last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
