Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
