My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
