Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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