Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
