then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize