the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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