One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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