Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
