Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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