i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
