yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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