Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
