I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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