I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
