he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
