it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
