I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
