Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
