ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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