You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
