I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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