call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
