The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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