You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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