was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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