problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
