I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize