you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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