Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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