I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
