He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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