but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
