i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
