Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
