I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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