I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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