We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
