Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you had me at cake vodka
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
