you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
