She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
