Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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