if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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