i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize