Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
