There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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