Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize