he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
