Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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