I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
