i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
