I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
