i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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