Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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