That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize