My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
