Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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