I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
