I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
