maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize