Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
