This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
