if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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