Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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