you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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